SO. Lately I have been going through a lot. I’m in college, trying to pursue modeling and cosplay, have a boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and we have always been long distance, and in a town where I feel totally alone. I feel like I am watching the world pass me by. Watching my friends back home grow, move, or just be active in the community I long to be a part of. Everyday is like I’m trapped in this school prison hating my life and wishing I could join the rest of the world.
I’m doing bad at school, to the point where the school is going to kick me out of my major, and to get back into the major I would have to take a bunch of classes I have already taken. Grading is accumulative so with the new grade and my old bad grade I would have to HOPE that would be enough to raise the “core class GPA” high enough.
So I think maybe I could do that or maybe I could change majors. I look into Communications as a possibility and General Studies. I feel like either way I’m going to be stuck in this hell hole for at least two more years. When I don’t even want to be here for another day.
Today I got back a math test (in a class I am already retaking) and I got a D. That’s it. It was decided right then that I am changing my major.
I go to talk to the communications department and they are super nice and help me out and sign me up as a pre-major and talked to me about everything I need to get in. (Which is actually a lot of shit, letters of recommendation, résumé, examples of past work)
BUT the most amazing thing I found out. I will be able to graduate ON TIME. YOU GUYZ IM SO HAPPY. Like this time this year I will be getting ready to graduate! Ill be done! And I don’t even have to push myself! 3 classes per quarter pretty much!
this is like the biggest relief for me! I have been through so much shit and finally a fucking shinning light of hope. I want nothing more than to be back in Seattle, working, making money, living in my own place (hopefully with boyfriend :3), seeing friends on a regular basis, NOT LIVING IN LIKE 3 DIFFERENT HOUSES, modeling on the side!
This is what I have been dreaming about for YEARS.
Communications is basically the same kind of thing I was looking for in my marketing degree PLUS they have some awesome classes about media communications and stuff, I already planned out my next 4 quarters and I’m so excited for the classes I’m going to be taking!
Wow this is the first time I have actually been excited about school since probably freshman year.
I mean, I still have to tell my parents how I was “failing” and that I am switching majors, and that I probably have dyslexia, but ya know. Small victories.

I just wish I could take classes I want to take, put in 4 years and then get a diploma and go get jobs and people would look at the courses you took to determin your qualifications. People don’t even care that much about your major, they care more about life experience, how you present yourself and how able you are to do the job at hand.

I dont know how to study for this midterm. So I’m just gonna spend all my time on Tumblr. If I know it it should already be in my head right…

AHHHH

I DONT WANT TO STUDY ANYMORE. I DONT WANT TO BE IN BELLINGHAM ANYMORE

I JUST WANT TO BE HOME AND ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, HANG OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND, AND DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE!

I seriously feel like I am getting no where and I have to do two more years of this bull crap?

I mean really

If I was back home now, I could work with my friends do some acting things, be able to get my name out there. Then I could also be more open to doing photoshoots since my time in the seattle area wouldnt be so limited. Not to mention I could get to work on a REAL job, and would be able to see my boyfriend on a regular basis.I HAVE NEVER HAD A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP HE IS MY FIRST BF AND WE HAVE BEEN DATING OVER 2 YEARS AND IT HAS BEEN LONG DISTANCE THE WHOLE TIME. I could actually help FUCKING PLAN the two weddings Im supposed to be a part of this summer.

I AM CURRENTLY EMPLOYED AT TWO DIFFERENT PLACES AND HAVENT WORKED IN OVER A MONTH. not to mention those jobs are not even what i want to do. 

this isnt fair, I get to watch all these people live their lives, while I sit and do school things. School is supposed to be like an intro into life, maybe like a little bit of a jump start. But I dont see how its very beneficial when other people have exactly what i want right now and i have to WAIT TWO MORE YEARS. school just does not seem worth it sometimes man. 

I can just see my future self now. Living in a cute place in Seattle, filled with Videogames and cosplay awesomeness. Getting to see my boyfriend whenever I wanted, we could even go out on dates or even double dates (since alot of my friends are getting boyfriends).  I could get like a part time job at the mall, or at like a bigger company like nintendo or microsoft or whatever. Then on my days off I could hang out with my friends, work on cosplay, plan a whole bunch of modeling gigs, maybe even get into some more acting. Then on the weekends I could go to clubs with my friends, or have a night in (or hey maybe even out) with my parents. 
God, the freedom I would have not being so far away from everything that is important to me. Honestly I’m only going to school for my dad. he wants me to be successful and give me the opportunities he didnt have. and in no way am i not grateful for that. but I think that ways of becoming successful have changed since when he was in college. 

i wanna be hooooommmmeeee T_____T

so got my grades back. and now i am on academic warning if i get less than a 2.0 again i get kicked out of school :T
so. ya. fuck my life.
my boyfriend said i should get profiderall, its like aderall, but not as intense. ya…

on less sucky news i guess
I got offered to be in a fashion show next weekend :D which I am going to be a part of. Im excited. should be fun, and they are going to New York fashion week so you never know what could happen ;)

also since im basically talking to myself anyway
ive been considering making a facebook fan page for myself (right? how cocky am i? >_>)
 Like i could put my cosplay and my modeling stuff on there, and for photographers  i could have a bigger variety of photos, and i could have people message me on there instead.
idk tumblr what do you think? is it weird and cocky if i make one, or would it be kinda fun and professional?
I wanted to wait until I got a paid job or something. but idk. i might, i could put like cosplay progress and stuff too… 

So Im just about done with finals. I have felt good about all my tests so far so I am super happy about that. I have one more tomorrow then I get to go home for 9 days and come right back up for my summer classes >_<

hopfully they will be fun tho~
on good news side: I just went in for a job interview at a Forever 21 that is opening in the mall near me, and I GOT THE JOB! wooooo it will be part time and i have no idea when it is going to be open since it is still very much under construction. As of now I still have my job at my school. and it is very possible that both of them will be SUPER part time so thats totally fine with me. at school I will probably only work late night, which is like 9:30-12:30

also I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE NEXT YEAR. me and my other 2 roomies are super happy since it is the end of the school year and we already got rejected from two other places. Its pretty big, nice, and cheaper than here so thats great. its a bit further, but we have cars and there is a park and ride real close so thats sweet.

okays, well i have to go study for my Business Law final tomorrow. wish me luck~ 

okay first let me give you a brief overview of my project. Our group of 5 has to write 3-5 pages TOTAL this was assigned at the beginning of the quarter its due Monday. I am the only one emailing people trying to get their asses into gear.

Hey Morgan,

This is **** ********* from the business law group.  This will probably make me sound like a terrible person, but do you think there’s any way you could write my part of the paper as well?  I’m going to be incredibly busy this weekend.  I’ve got two different one-off jobs and four gigs to play, and I would really, really appreciate it if you could help me out.  In return, I could take you out to dinner sometime or something, your pick, to thank you.
Let me know what you think.  I would love the help

IM SORRY but did you SERIOUSLY just try to get me write you paper which is MAYBE A PARAGRAPH LONG. and your busy THIS WEEKEND? I’m pretty sure you have had TWO FULL MONTHS to write that plan ahead, your in college. and SERIOUSLY?! are you fucking seriously trying to ASK ME OUT BY DOING YOUR HOMEWORK FOR YOU?! Fucker, not only do I HAVE A BOYFRIEND and your not even sort of attractive, ARE YOU SERIOUS?! FUCK. NO. I will gladly tell the teacher you did nothing rather than do your fucking part. I don’t know you and owe you nothing…..

Okay lets see.

I just got back from spring break so here is what you all have been missing

School: Last quarter I felt wasnt that bad, one of my teaches was an ass but i liked her class, so whatever. I actually got worried that I didnt pass Econ BUT turns out I got a C. FUCK YEA. guh I wish I did better in School, but I am trying. This quarter I am only taking 3 classes but they are ALL focused on Business so I need to do good in all of them. None of them sound fun at all, but I really only have heavy amount of classes on Monday and Wed so that is pretty awesome. 
Work: I got new shifts as I do each quarter and I got a FUCKING DISHROOM SHIFT i dont want to wash dishes in my own house much less during work. shitty, and my roommate got a manager position so she will be working all the time (she hasnt got home from work yet!) but hey she gets free meals so she can buy me food haha.

Cosplay: excited for Sakura-con coming up soon~ I have ALL of my Black Rock Shooter cosplay done and two photoshoots lined up for it on Saturday. My friend Amanda is making my Cannon and I just really hope she gets it done in time >< it would add so much to the costume, I would work on it here if i could… but I have NO room. Also I have not very much more work left to do on my Jane costume. I just have to dirty it up and my leopard needs to be more yellow, My dad and I tried to dye it, but it did not turn out like i would have hoped :/ we might paint it or something im not sure. but we made some BADASS eyes and nose and teeth for it, its gonna be so awesome. Im really excited to be part of a big group again. we have a photoshoot lined up for that as well (this will be happening Friday of con)
 Also I feel like I will have a lot of spare time with this new school schedule and I am thinking that with it I will have more time to sew. I need to work on my friend Jessica’s wedding dress, im SOOOOOO excited because I now have everything I need to get started.
Future cosplays: okay so also I am thinking of Cosplays for PAX, now I really want to do Jeane from No More Heroes. 

but my boyfriend says its a bit too revealing. And ya I get that she is wearing basically a bikini bottom, but idk it is my favorite game ever and I basically have all the supplies except the body paint. I just love the game so much and I would consider cosplaying a different character but Bad Girl I feel is over cosplayed and I dont really like Sylvia. 
also I REALLY want to cosplay from this game coming out called SkullGirls, But I am not sure who to choose to cosplay as. Now I am leaning toward Valentine

but she is a bit more titty-licious than I am/would like to wear but idk of the game footage she is def one of my favs.  The other option is Filia 

but I def dont have dem hips and that wig looks crazy. Idk my boyfriend said of all of them I should cosplay her but idk I think I like Valentine more

Boyfriend: HE IS LEAVING ME FOR TWO WEEKS TO GO TO THE PHILIPPINES. what am I going to do, I dont think we will be able to text or talk like at all guh Im gonna go on some serious withdrawl. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION that he is going to miss helping my mother move, and OUR TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY :CCCCCCCCCC and he might even miss con. But he is going to go spend time with his whole family, and his brother who just got out of the hospital, and he will get to see his grandma and family he hasnt seen since he was really little, so thats good for him and Im happy for him but at the same time SO SAAAADDDD :CCCCCCC

I took pictures before he goes away

Famiriy: my mom is moving next weekend GOD IM SO EXCITED. she/I wont have to drive over 1000000000 speed bumps just to get to her place, she wont have to walk up 3 flights of stairs, she can park right in front of her house, ITS A HOUSE. and no stupid dogs or neighbors that are annoying.
also this week I worked alot with my dad on my cosplay stuff and it was alot of fun, I feel like we really bonded :3

Spring break things:  OKAY, so I did a few photoshoots, one with my friend Kaz, but that was basically just cosplay so meh. Then I escorted my friend Kindra to her photoshoot (where she modeled) and then we ran around like crazy people trying to catch the light for our photoshoot (where she was the photographer), then went BACK to her place and took moar pictures

then the day after I worked with a new photographer Micheal Miller, It was a fun super quick shoot.

My boyfriend and I saw 21 Jump Street. OH GOD SO FUCKING FUNNY GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW. so much cursing so much penis humor my boyfriend was laughing so loud the whole time, and we quoted it all night long. 
“you have the right to…. SUCK MY DICK MOTHER FUCKER”
Also I saw the Hunger Games with my Mom today. That was also really good!~ A good amount of action and enough romance that it wasnt annoying idk I liked it, From both two people who have read the books they seemed less impressed.

If you have made it this far I congratulate you, hope you found my life interesting, and always feel free to ask about anything

This is me telling everyone that i havve to go crawl in a cave and never come out,

I have a huge project due tomorrow in costuming, followed by a midterm in the same class on Friday

Then Tests Tuesday Wednesday, and Thursday, so basically all my classes got together and said hmm whats the best way we could screw her over? OH I KNOW lets add work on Valentines day. SO this is just super fun and i need to study forever and ever. everyone wish me good grades. 

also my boyfriend is coming up this weekend which on saturday I am going to be like FUCK THE WORLD I AM GOING TO ENJOY MY BOYFRIEND TIME so ya. 

im gonna go cry now….so.much.todo